B Movie Madness
by alynwa
Summary: While recuperating in Medical, Illya and Napoleon are given a TV to watch.


B Movie Madness

"Guys, look what I was able to score for you! I was coming in through the garage just as they were getting delivered," April said as she held the door open for Mark as he pushed a television on a stand into the room. As he began to plug it in, April continued, "See? It's got a wired remote attached so you don't have to get up to change the channel."

Napoleon laughed, "Well, that's good!" His right leg was in a cast from ankle to hip and suspended a couple of inches off the bed.

Illya, lying in the other bed, had both arms in casts that were also held suspended by straps from the ceiling. "It would probably be good to give Napoleon the remote control," he deadpanned, "I would not know what to watch."

Mark finished adjusting the rabbit ears antenna after the picture came in clearly and handed the remote to his CEA. "'Ere ya go, mate," he said cheerily, "this should make the time go by faster."

April's communicator trilled at that moment. "Dancer."

Miss Rogers' voice came through, "Mr. Waverly wants to see you and Mr. Slate immediately."

"Tell him we are in Medical and are on our way right now." She clicked her device closed and said, "That's our cue, Mark. Get better soon, boys!"

Mark waved and followed his partner out the door. Napoleon started changing the channel.

"This is perfect, Illya; it's Saturday and it's time for Million Dollar Movies on Channel 9." He checks his watch, "We missed the first two minutes." A black and white image comes into view and after a moment, Napoleon smiled broadly. "Attack of the 50 Foot Woman! I love this one!"

Illya grimaced, "A 50 foot woman? You would. If I must be subjected to television, can we watch something educational?"

Napoleon groaned. "Tovarisch, the TV is to alleviate boredom, not cause it. Lots of people like these movies. Watch, _you_ might even like it."

"I doubt it," the Russian grumbled.

After "Attack of the 50 Foot Woman" came "The Giant Behemoth," and "Them." When their lunch arrived, they ate baked chicken, macaroni and cheese and green beans while watching "The Brain that Wouldn't Die." Illya had to admit, watching those hokey old movies was entertaining if for no other reason, the jokes and barbs they were throwing at the screen.

"So, let me make sure I understand, Napoleon. The scientist's girlfriend was decapitated in a car accident. He has managed somehow to find her head and bring it back to life and that is her head sitting on a table speaking with him."

Napoleon giggled, "Yup. And, she's a little upset with him for doing it."

Illya replied solemnly, "I do not see a future for that relationship" before collapsing into a fit of laughter.

The second movie of the afternoon was "The Tingler." "Oh, Illya, this one is great! I saw it almost a dozen times in the theater!"

The blond stared at him. _"Why? _It's not that good."

"At the end, the screen goes dark and the Tingler is supposedly loose in the movie house and you had to scream for your life. I took a different girl each time and I would touch her leg and she'd jump into my lap and scream. Watch."

When the order came to scream, they both screamed and laughed like silly kids. "Napoleon, I would not have believed watching these ridiculous old movies could be so much fun! I actually do feel better. What's coming on next?"

"Told you so." He scanned the TV section of the Daily News. "Ooooo, "The Crawling Eye!"

"You are making that up!"

Napoleon turned the paper in Illya's direction. "I am not, see? Followed by "Attack of the Crab Monsters."

Mr. Waverly stepped off the elevator heading to Medical to visit his top team. _Damnably nasty business, _he thought as he walked into the Medical Unit. _If THRUSH operatives were better trained, Solo and Kuryakin would be dead. Imagine, shooting out the tires of a speeding car and not bothering to check the wreckage to see if your targets are deceased. That Solo luck certainly…What the deuce?_

He could hear his agents laughing hysterically. He looked askance at the nurse who was standing nearby. "They've been doing that all day, Sir. Miss Dancer and Mr. Slate brought them a television."

He harrumphed, "I see," and stepped into their room. Both agents stopped in mid – laugh.

"Relax, Gentlemen, I came to see how you are feeling. What are you watching that you find so amusing?"

Illya responded, "Attack of the Crab Monsters, Sir. It's almost over; "The Blob" comes on next."

The Old Man smiled. "The Blob," you say? That is a classic film, Mr. Kuryakin. Mr. Solo, you two wouldn't mind if I watched for a bit, would you?"

Napoleon swallowed his surprise and said, "Of course not, Sir. I, ah, I didn't think you would like this type of movie."

"Nonsense! Mrs. Waverly sits close to me and hides her face in my chest when she is startled. What's not to like?"

The two agents looked at each other and nodded. Illya thought, _Mr. Waverly will never cease to amaze me. _"Oh, good, the movie is starting."


End file.
